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— How to Write an Autobiographical Novel - Alexander Chee
==Janet had rented an apartment for Peter to spend Christmas with her down in Carmel, and it was shortly after, upon returning, that Peter called her to say, “It’s time.
It’s my time.” He had been living at home until then, getting meals delivered and having home care, and when he called Janet, he gave as his reason, “I can’t take care of myself anymore.
It’s my time.”== Imagine yourself as a pool of light and sound altering as all your days run through you, and they pass again and again.
From moment to moment, you are every age you have ever been, but in no particular order.
Time courses through you, the time you lived, a flume of your days.
This was Peter’s dementia.
“I always knew where he was,” Laura says of his dementia.
“God, he would say something and people would say, ‘He’s crazy,’ but he wasn’t.
No, people thought it was sad, and it was, but it was beautiful, really, because he was back in the days that he loved, just all at once.
==I remember he said once, ‘I have to give Laura a baby!’ and the people at the hospice really thought he’d lost it, but I knew.
We used to talk about having a child, and then, well, he got HIV, and he never talked about it again.
And so he mentioned the baby again there, and I said, ‘No, remember?
You got sick.
And so we didn’t have it.’ And he got quiet again.”==