ba-dev-neutral-roach
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— The Passion According to G.H. - Clarice Lispector, Benjamin Moser, and Idra Novey
I was afraid.
— Mother: I killed a life, and there are no arms to receive me now and in the hour of our desert, amen.
Mother, everything now has turned to hard gold.
==I interrupted an organized thing, mother, and that is worse than killing, that made me enter through a breach that showed me, worse than death, that showed me the thick and neutral life turning yellow.== The roach is alive, its eye gaze is fertilizing, I am afraid of my hoarseness, mother.
Because my mute hoarseness was already the hoarseness of someone enjoying a gentle hell.
The hoarseness — of someone having pleasure.
==The hell was good for me, I was enjoying that white blood that I had spilled.
The roach is real, mother.
It is no longer an idea of a roach.
— Mother, all I did was want to kill, but just look at what I broke: I broke a casing!
Killing is also forbidden because it breaks the hard casing, and leaves one with the sticky life.== From inside the hard casing is emerging a heart thick and white and alive with pus, mother, blessed art thou among the roaches, now and in the hour of this thy my death, cockroach and jewel.